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8 Challenges to Self-Forgiveness
Overcoming resistance on many fronts.
“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.”
-Maya Angelou
Forgiveness is a rare commodity, elusive and when attained, hard-won. Self-forgiveness is even harder, redemption, liberation. The mere idea of forgiving oneself may evoke a punitive reaction. When one is convinced of being undeserving, wishing to feel better about oneself seems like a moral transgression-even for folks who adamantly believe others deserve compassion.
Many times, given a self-defeating side to our personality, we may find ourselves in relationships with others who cut us down. Rather than build one another up, as in a healthy relationship, there is competition over scarce emotional resources. Not enough love to go around. It makes it hard to change, as mutual retaliation locks partners into the equilibrium of suffering.
When one partner discovers the need and heeds the call but the other does not, change is doubly hard. Forgiveness is an unforgivable crime, through this distorted lens. To the point, breaking out of the sadomasochistic orbit, weaning off of hostile dependency, takes serious effort and total dedication. Being equipped with general expectations is useful, preparing for the unexpected, and…
