Photo by Jonathan Pendleton on Unsplash

What Are “Personal Development Relationships”?

Beware romantic partners who try so hard to help you grow as a person. The relationship may start out seeming to be what we always needed, but end in suffering and want.

KEY POINTS

• Well-functioning relationships serve appropriate developmental needs for all involved.
• In “personal development relationships”, one partner is an unofficial therapist to the other, making healthy intimacy less and less possible.
• In relationships where pathological narcissism meets excessive dependency, PDRs become abusive.
• Addressing unmet developmental needs in an appropriate setting frees one up to build mutually beneficial, balanced relationships.

People seek close relationships for many reasons: the need to be loved, for a family, longings for a life partner with whom to grow old, for mutual edification, for fun and enjoyment, for pragmatic purposes, for financial advantages, and so on. We may be completely unaware of the reasons, or they may hover on the edge of consciousness.

A straightjacket built for two