Listening and Learning to Navigate Tough Work and Social Groups

An expert interview on how to stay oriented toward constructive conversations.

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Key points

• When we focus on how we are right, we immediately shut down possibilities to learn and listen.
• Asking “How are they right?” is a game-changing question that opens us to valuable if difficult insights.
• Leadership is crucial for this to happen in the broad political and social landscape.
• Our society is facing challenges that present opportunities to improve our capacity to relate and succeed.

I recently read Finding a Place to Stand: Developing Self-Reflective Institutions, Leaders, and Citizens, by Edward R. Shapiro, M.D. ​​Feeling that he had so much worth sharing, I reached out to the author, who kindly agreed to an interview. This is the second of two posts. You can find the first here.

When we are working with other people, from significant others to family groups, to professional teams and other social systems, it’s easy to focus on how we are right and how they are wrong. A simple reframe, asking ourselves, “How are they right?”, can turn a fight into an opportunity for connection, collaboration, and learning. Asking how the other…